Discouraged

Yeah, that sort of day. The kind of day where things just don't seem to go right.
I spent last night crying, felt very overwhelmed. I had no idea what was expected of me as a first year teacher, and I just didn't know what to do next.
Do I type up a syllabus? Do I give in to what the school thinks is right? I was confused, and besides, the principal wanted to meet with me, and that made me even more nervous. In addition to all that, we had to give in our planbooks yesterday, and when I did, I got to see some of the other teacher's plan sheets, and they were so detailed, that it was all I could do to keep from crying.
I asked one of the teachers why her book was so detailed and she answered, "because that's what the principal wants to see!" I was so annoyed. These teachers all seem to be terrified of the principal and they do anything she tells them to, even when it makes absolutely no sense. I'm not that type of person, I have to understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it before I do something. I am completely and totally ready to burst into tears at any second. What else don't I know!?!
I spent the morning typing up a syllabus. I decided that for now I would give out the syllabus and see what I could do to slowly get them used to writing on their own.
I also spent time typing up some really cute sheets introducing a contest I was starting in the classes. The contest basically stated that if each class collectively read 400 books in a certain amount of time, they get to go on a trip. They don't know what the ultimate prize will be yet, but along the way, they have to fill out book reviews for every book they read. For every ten books a girl reads, she gets a plus 1 and a half on any one of my tests. So I did give them some incentives along the way. Hopefully, it'll work.
So I ran to school, and met with the principal. She wanted to talk to me about the learning disabled girl in my class. Over the past few days, I learned how learning disable she was. She couldn't comprehend things she read, (even though she read like a dream) her spelling was atrocious, and she was writing on a fourth grade level. Understandably, she couldn't write notes, and she also couldn't follow along in class.
Problem was, she had already given up trying. She labeled herself as stupid and she was determined to prove it to me. She refused to even give me the slightest effort. So the principal wanted to teach me how to handle her. Did I learn anything new? No.
But I did learn never to mention discipline problems to my superior again. Somehow, it slipped out that the girls were not afraid to test me on the first day of school, and boy, did she feel that she should get involved. I was kind of annoyed.
I'm not an incompetent teacher, I had the class under control, this was just a small incident that had happened a week ago, and she was blowing it out of proportion. I learned never to discuss these things with her again.
Actually, I pretty much made up my mind not to discuss anything with her again.
I did ask her about the writing syllabus though, and she told me that she believed that it helped the girls, and that it should be given out in high school as well.
I politely disagreed with her, telling her that this method of teaching taught the girls not to think. They took everything off my paper. They didn't bother using their own imaginations, which basically meant that they weren't accomplishing anything in writing.
I told the principal that the good writers didn't need this, and that the bad writers were not going to gain anything from it. If they weren't taught to write properly, and instead they were told exactly what to write on this syllabus, what was the point? The whole thing was just a huge failure, and a colossal waste of time.
She basically left-fielded all my questions, and sent me down to lunch.
I made up my mind. From now on, the principal will run the school as she sees fit, but I will run my classroom as I think it should be run.
I don't care how involved she thinks she's going to be in my class, but I've decided that for the kind of money this pays, I can't afford to let myself be intimidated. After all, what is she going to threaten me with? My $6,000 paycheck? HAH HAH HAH!!
If I needed the money I wouldn't be teaching. I'm teaching because it's something I want to do. And I want to do it my way, not that way she thinks it should be done!
Just a little note. I don't mean to sound like the principal I work for isn't a great person, because she really is. It's just that right now I am frustrated, and I don't fully agree with everything she does.
That doesn't mean that she isn't a brilliant educator, and that she deserves a lot of respect, because I do respect her a lot.
It's just that at this point, when I am trying to assert myself as a teacher, I feel that I have to do things my own way for a while, I can't be forced into something I don't feel is right, especially when I'm new to the whole field.
So when you read a blog entry like this, don't get the wrong idea. I CHOSE this profession. I wanted and still want to do this. But I still need time to adjust, and that may mean that I will get angry and frustrated easily.
Like my husband always says, "Take everything my wife says with a grain of salt!"