Sunday, May 06, 2007

Tough Decision

No one had the patience to sit in class Wednesday. The weather was amazing and I had too much on my mind to teach very much. I taught aim in history and then read the Wave for about 20 minutes to the girls.

My co came to my door and asked if I wanted to take the 7th and 8th grades to the park with her. She couldn't teach either.

We took the kids out to the park where we sat and watched them play ball. DSW and DZ and BG and a bunch of other 8th graders were acting all immature and were obsessing over if we teachers were staring at them. As if we cared. LOL

CSS and EMB were walking past a group of public school boys trying to get their attention. Ouch. That was hard to deal with, but my co handled it well.

After the park RA decided to walk back to school side by side with me telling me all about how she wished she knew the names of trees because it would make walks outside so much more fun if she knew this stuff.

She came over to me after class one day this week to bore me to death with my own history lesson. Just added tons of stuff to it etc, told me that her mom was a History major and that she knew all this stuff.

Could strangle her.

The building had a minor fire Thursday because of some fuse that burned out.

The smell was horrible and it was hard to concentrate on learning.

DZ piped up that breathing it all in could cause cancer.

I lost it.

I told DZ that I had thought she was more mature but I guess I was wrong. I said that she was taking the whole cancer thing too lightly and that it wasn't a joke- no matter how easygoing I was about it. I said that she really hurt people with that attitude- treating a life threatening disease as if it were nothing.

She sulked the rest of the day. I didn't care.

The administrator of the school had a problem with the yearbook stuff again. I almost cried. I have more than enough on my mind right now without having to go through the manuscript yet another time.

My sister has been killing herself on this thing for ages. They haven't even discussed pay with her yet. I felt awful having to hand her back another sheaf of papers.

Friday morning I had a meeting with the administrator about signing contract for next year.

Two weeks ago I would have signed in a heartbeat. Things came up suddenly and I'm not as sure. Actually, I am pretty sure. Just scared to make the move away from what I know.

They offered me a $500 raise and I laughed out loud.

The admin asked me if I was coming back and all of a sudden I just started to cry. LOL I'm hanging around JB too much.

I told him some of the circumstances that were causing this change of heart, and he understood.

For you blog readers, I don't want to get too into my personal life, so I'll just give you half of the rundown.

I love teaching, I really do. It just takes a lot out of me and I feel that my kid and husband are missing out on what I really should be for them. I haven't gotten back to myself after the baby and I feel that I am killing myself and not getting anything for it.

Now money never was the problem, but now it is on my mind. And I'm not upset at the school or anything, but my husband and I feel that with a lot less of the talent and energy that I use for teaching, I could e making a lot more and still resting up and being there for my little family.

DH calls teaching playing games. I don't see it that way, but I do see it as I goal that I achieved. As hubby so delicately put it; "You came, you saw, you conquered, you left."

I think it's time to move on.

I don't feel it is a cop out, I feel that where I am right now its necessary. I'm not backing out because the job is too hard or not for me. I'm backing out because circumstances dictate that its time for me to do so.

I didn't sign Friday. I asked for a week to think about it. I'm quite sure I know my decision, but still, it's hard.

I was an absolute mess for the rest of the day. My head was somewhere else.

I had to drive SG home because she doesn't live in Flatbush and the bus doesn't take her home. The teacher who usually drives her home was not in school that day so I offered.

The kid was chuffed. Felt so great to sit at the back of my jeep LOL.

She's the class celebrity now. Cutie she is.

1 comment:

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Wow. Having been an 'immature' student in school, teachers always remained the enemy in my mind. It's amazing to go back and see how it's seen from the other side of the desk.

Good luck with that decision. Changes aren't always easy, but if it's worth it in the long run, go for it. Lots of siyata dishmaya!

Great blog.